Feeling pretty lost…
Well another post, more confusion. I have to be really honest here. I’m not overly excited about grad school. I think I expected to be overcome with enthusiasm about my new career and that has not been the case. There are things here and there that are exciting but overall I find my three lecture classes to be very non-stimulating. I think it is because they are core classes and just that, lecture classes, but it has definitely made this whole transition even harder to make. As if I don’t question the decision to leave my comfortable, if stressful, job behind, now with school not being all that exciting I question the decision even more.
Part of me wonders if it’s that I’m just a lazy person by nature. Maybe if I just spent a little less time online (like here!) and more time focusing on my studies I’d be getting more out of it. But I feel like for that to be the case I’d need to be more excited and interested in what I was learning. There are things I like about what I’m learning in cataloging but then I meet people who are super excited! and I wonder what’s wrong with me. If maybe I’m not smart enough. Because that’s the other thing, I feel stupid all the time. Everyone around me seems to have a liberal arts education and know so much about so many things. And then there is me with my business background and all of a sudden everything I know seems so incredibly useless.
I constantly worry about finding a job when I’m done with the program too. Even though I won’t be done till May 2011!!!
I’m hoping that next semester my electives and especially my trip to Nicaragua will remind me why I chose this field and will bring back the excitement I had when working at the Leverett Library this summer.
I’m sorry this is such a downer of a post but I needed to be honest about how I was feeling and get it out in some form. I hope when you hear from me next I’ll be feeling a bit better about it all. I did make some new friends at school so that definitely helps!!!
And now I’m actually off to a rally at the State House to support public libraries.
Till next time….
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