It Still Exists

“My feelings for elected officials are a lot like my feelings in suitors. Frustrated, disappointed, unrealistic, but often excited & hopeful.” – Me. One time. On Twitter.

I recognize my election cycle.

The rush of excitement.  Of hope.  Of happiness. Of “maybe this is what I’ve been waiting for.”

The thrill of watching for the “….” of the incoming text results.

The creating future plans.  The creating happy endings.  The creating what life will be like.  The creating the story before the characters are even developed.

And the anxiety. And the confusion. And the second guessing. And the fear. And the terrifying unknown. The wanting to know.  The desire to know.  The “how will I get through another day without knowing exactly what’s going on.”

And then, it all ceases to exist.  Often without explanation. Often with the explanation I feared all along. Often feeling like my anxiety was to blame. Often kicking myself for the excitement. For the hope.  For the happiness.  For the future plans.  For creating happy endings.  For wanting something different.

Like before, it falls apart.  Yet it’s all really much less dramatic because I was fairly whole throughout.

Again, I find comfort in “just me.” In my community.  In my world I have created for “just me.” In knowing that “just me” is ok.

And that brings a sense of calm.  Of peace. Of reflection.

Of happiness. Of hope.  Of excitement.

And I cycle once more.

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2 responses to “It Still Exists

  1. This is scary. How did you so perfectly explain my life right now. It’s uncanny. Have you been following me? Beautifully written (even though you maybe committed civil rights violations to acquire my…i mean your…story

    If you ever figure out the secret to how/why it still exist I’d really appreciate a followup post.

  2. Though not a political person, I love the emotion here. It can be connected to just about anything. Great post.

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