[The below is a twitter stream of thought I had the other day. And it probably reads like that. But it was such a revelation for myself that I felt the need to get it to something a bit more permanent.]
I’ve been thinking about the word “deserve” lately
People always tell me I deserve happiness, etc
And I’ve always had trouble with that
Who am I to deserve anything?
What makes me special?
People can tell you “you deserve” over and over
But you have to get there on your own and through actual experiences.
But in a recent dating situation I tried something new. Something I probably have been talking about in therapy for years on some level or another.
I took some breaths. And I said what I needed.
And I was heard. I was respected. I was not made to feel like there was something wrong with my expectations or something wrong with me for caring. For caring about him and about myself.
And now here I am. Realizing. FINALLY.
I do deserve greatness. In life. In myself.
And in a partner as well
I deserve respect, to be heard, to be offered the world
I honestly never knew that existed for me
And now that I’ve gotten a glimpse, I KNOW IT
And I had to get there myself to truly believe it
And it feels amazing. Like I want to shout it from a roof top in some awful cliché movie way.
So maybe I deserve things and maybe I don’t
But I will no longer settle for the crap I am given. For the in between. For the grey. For the maybe.
I know my value and my worth. And I thank the folks that knew it all along.