Deserve

[The below is a twitter stream of thought I had the other day.  And it probably reads like that. But it was such a revelation for myself that I felt the need to get it to something a bit more permanent.] 

DESERVE

I’ve been thinking about the word “deserve” lately

People always tell me I deserve happiness, etc

And I’ve always had trouble with that

Who am I to deserve anything?

What makes me special?

People can tell you “you deserve” over and over

But you have to get there on your own and through actual experiences.

But in a recent dating situation I tried something new.  Something I probably have been talking about in therapy for years on some level or another.

I took some breaths.  And I said what I needed.

And I was heard.  I was respected.  I was not made to feel like there was something wrong with my expectations or something wrong with me for caring. For caring about him and about myself.

And now here I am.  Realizing.  FINALLY.

I do deserve greatness.  In life.  In myself.

And in a partner as well

I deserve respect, to be heard, to be offered the world

I honestly never knew that existed for me

For real

And now that I’ve gotten a glimpse, I KNOW IT

And I had to get there myself to truly believe it

And it feels amazing.  Like I want to shout it from a roof top in some awful cliché movie way.

So maybe I deserve things and maybe I don’t

But I will no longer settle for the crap I am given. For the in between. For the grey. For the maybe.

I know my value and my worth. And I thank the folks that knew it all along.

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